April 23, 2008

“How long does it take you to write a column?” asked the young sounding woman doing the telephone interview, one of several she said she was doing for a magazine article.

I cradled the telephone between my shoulder and neck, pressed the start button on my watch, turned on my computer and said, “It depends on several things.”

“Such as?”

“Some topics are easier to write about then others. Some things are simple. Some are complicated. Some columns require looking up things. Some I write off the top of my head. Humor is difficult to write and takes longer. It’s easier to make people cry than it is to make them laugh.”

She laughed, but didn’t say anything so I continued.

“Some topics are more sensitive than others but no matter what you write about, especially if you joke about it, someone is not going to be happy with you. You have to write with care. That takes time. Words are powerful things. But no matter what you write, someone is not going to be happy.”

I could have given the young lady many examples, like the time I wrote a satirical column about prostitutes and got in trouble with their union or association or whatever the organization representing them was. But that’s a long story and it happened 20 or so years ago so I didn’t.  Instead, I said, “And it depends, of course, on how many words you need to write.”

“How long is your typical column?”

I responded to the question without having to think. “Between 450 and 550 words, most always it’s within that range.”

Back in the day before computers, I could tell when I hit 500 words, give or take a few, just by looking at the pages of type. I didn’t tell the young woman this because she probably wasn’t around when people in this business used typewriters, let alone manual typewriters, which is what I first wrote with. In fact, I keep a manual typewriter in the office to remind me of my roots.

“Where do you get your ideas for columns?” she asked.

By the way she was asking the questions I could tell she was reading them off a list.

“Ideas are everywhere. You find them in newspapers, in magazines and books, in barbershops, in restaurants and bars, by talking with people. If you are looking for them, you’ll find them. I have problems, but finding ideas to write about isn’t one of them.”

“What do you enjoy most about writing?” she asked.
“I hate writing,” I said.

There was a long pause. Then she asked, “Why do you do it then?”

“Because I love having written.”

“Oh,” she said. “I see.”

But she didn’t.

“So, anyway,” she said, “taking all of what you said into consideration, how long does it take to write a column?”

“Well,” I said, looking at my watch, “this one took 37 minutes and 45 seconds, which is much quicker than usual.”

Without using the “word count” on my computer I knew I was at 500 words, give or take a few.


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Joe Kelly is the editor and publisher of The Boonville Herald & Adirondack Tourist and THE GRIFF.